he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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