she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
