we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
