Umm I'm too high to move.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
