If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
