the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
tell me about the fingering
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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