remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize