I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
