dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
