I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
