I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
