Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
