I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
