after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
