i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
