she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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