Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
