i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
