We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
