Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize