just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize