she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
