My brain says no but my pants say off.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
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