some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
