He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
