Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
