nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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