So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
