I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
