Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
