so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish you could order shots online.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
