I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
