She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
