dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
