you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
