we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
