Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
