Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
