I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
