Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
