Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
