What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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