She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
