Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Randomize