We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
