There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
