So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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