How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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