in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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