Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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