I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
