I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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