You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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