Ambien. No doubt about it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
