I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
