this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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