I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
