You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
