Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
