Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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