a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
