jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
