Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well you can't waste a boner
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
