why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
