My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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