Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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