My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
