If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
