Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
