i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
