he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
