im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
