yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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