the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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