Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
