god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
