Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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