if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
