Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
