The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
