I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
